Alone

I’m so used to being alone, making my own decision even though I suck at making decisions, doing my grocery shopping alone. I used to be someone who was afraid of being alone and feeling lonely. When I was younger, I couldn’t go anywhere without someone I know accompanying me. Eating alone was the worst kind of event, it felt like the whole world would conspire to stare at you all at once. I hated the feeling of having no one to talk to, no one that I know who could save me when I needed help. I still do. But I realized, people can’t stay forever, they come and go. I need to stop being so dependent on others. I have friends, of course, but they have their own life and business too. I have families, but what can I do when they’re so far away? So I braved up, I started to involve myself in events full of strangers. I walked alone, I drove alone. It was very hard, for someone who always needed company to feel so lost, so isolated, so scared.

That courage that I took  changed me time after time. It shaped me into someone who couldn’t careless about strangers or their stares. I bet it’s true, that when you don’t give a damn, everything becomes easier. I can drive alone now, I’m in a team of people who are not my close friends, I’d eat alone if I want to, I’d go anywhere alone if I feel like to, I can talk to strangers too.  I get comfortable in my own loneliness. Maybe when we’re mature enough, being alone isn’t that bad anymore. Sometimes we need our own time to discover who we really are, to clear off our minds, to dream and think. But it doesn’t mean that I want to spend my whole life in my own solitude, because part of me still yearns for having someone to always be by my side, without me worrying that he might leave. Maybe that’s what we call love when we found that someone and we know we don’t want to be alone anymore. And when you’re apart, that same lost and soulless feeling returns.

“Sometimes life is too hard to be alone, and sometimes life is too good to be alone.”

 

Hope

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The best feeling in the world, is when you look at the happy face of someone you love, knowing that the reason behind it is – hope.

To me hope is like a precious drop of water, in a dessert, dry and hot. It’s like waiting for a shooting star, crossing a dark night sky. You know it’s there, whether in your atmosphere, or at the other side of the world, and deep down you still believe if it’s meant to be, it will be. Whatever has been written for you, will be yours. That’s hope.

I’m not the most positive person on earth, I must admit. I don’t like my job, i feel useless in my own field of work. But I’m not being ungrateful. I know there are tonnes of people out there searching for a job, whether it’s really their passion or not. And I know damn well how hard it is to hear from an HR after you hit the “Send Email” button for job application. But dear, it isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. Even though times are hard, it all works out someday. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.”

 

 

 

Mount Cook – Hooker Valley

 

 

hooker valley

It was a chilly morning when I stepped out from Mount Cook Youth Hostel Association. fresh mountain air made me felt I could stay here forever. My mission on that day was to hike the Hooker Valley. It was more to sightseeing than hiking, since there’s no real steep inclination along the trail, but it’s a real achievement for a non-hiker like me.

The ultimate goal was to get to Mount Cook as close as possible. With it standing bravely in the distance, I just couldn’t get my eyes off it. It was like you putting all of your energy to reach for something so great. Along the walk, I thought of it as me going after my life goal, enjoy the view even though you’re tired and eventually, all of the effort would worth millions.

But of course, I was not climbing to the top of Mount Cook. Hooker Valley track is a 11 km round trip track, and it ends at the Hooker Lake. I crossed three swing bridges, where you can see the fast flowing river underneath. The sound of nature really calmed me. And the non-stop mountain view was just magnificent. I bet it’d look better during the winter, where the mountain would be covered with soft white snow. It didn’t matter, the tallest mountain in the Southern Alps has its magic that mesmerized us, despite the season.

When I finally reached the Hooker Lake, where Mount Cook stood in front of my eyes, I felt so relieved, speechless. It was as if you had reached the final destination in your life. Since it was during summer, no ice glaciers were in sight. Just a few traces of them left, waiting to sink. Personal achievement unlocked!

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery – air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, “This is what it is to be happy”

 

Homesick 

I don’t like the lonely feeling when being away from home. I hate not being able to see my parents as often as others might do. I hate how my younger brother is growing up without me being there to celebrate his birthdays. You know how birthdays mean so much to little kids. And I hate for not being able to share what I have here with my family. It’s so sad to see how our parents grow old without us noticing, without us realizing. And how much have you given back to them? Time is running so fast and the next thing you know is you’re gonna get married to someone and start a new family by yourself. I love my family. May God grant my family happiness and health, always. 

I need TWO jobs! Or more!

Still in the midst of finding the balance between my career and doing things I like.. I like sewing and making clothes but I’m short on budget to even buy a sewing machine. And what can I think of is doing a part time job. I know working in the office 5 days a week 9 hours a day is exhausting, mentally and physically. Running for meetings, cracking your heads with graphs and data (I’m a junior so I need to learn more and fast). When I get home I just wanna sleep and rest. But still I need to do the things I like, while I’m still young..and free?

Maybe I could be a personal tutor? Actually I posted an advertisement for this (Haha). Hopefully there are people outside who’d be interested to send their kids to me for tutoring. Well it’s not bad at all because I was a tuition teacher back then during my unemployment period. I find kids are cute (most of the time) and enjoy teaching them. Oh they should be between 7 to 12 years old, because I just don’t want to trouble myself studying high school’s syllabus. I can teach Mandarin too! I hope my weekends can be filled with teaching children for their greater gain in studies (and for my hobby’s dream).

I was thinking that I could be a weekend-cleaner too. You know, those kinds of part-time maid over the weekend who only works for few hours depending on the request. I’m not a bad cleaner at all, maybe I should start posting advertisement for this too!

Another part time job that I could think of is to be a Uber driver. BUT I’m so BAD with directions that I’m afraid I could get lost in this big city of Kuala Lumpur! Alone or maybe with my passengers! Ha! I better not.

When I was small I really didn’t have any idea on how hard it is to earn money. Thank you mom and dad for raising me up. You guys have worked so hard for me. I want to start my hobby so badly, I’m gonna buy that sewing machine.

 

Chiang Mai, Thailand – Great Food 

Early May I went to Chiang Mai for a short weekend getaway. I just needed some time away from office every now and then. So my friends and I planned the trip and booked the accommodation with flight tickets for RM 250 by AirAsia Go. Cheap right! It was a budget trip and we reaally wanted to save as much as we could. And off we went to the north part of Thailand – Chiang Mai.


When we arrived at Chiang Mai Airport, we grabbed a taxi or they called it airport limo (Toyota Fortuner) to get us to the hotel. We were offered some tour packages by the driver, a chirpy man I’d say to bring us to explore Chiang Mai. Our plan was to visit the Doi Suthep National Park and to go shopping at the night markets. And we thought it’s better if we had someone to tour since we’re not Thai-speaker and the only word we’ve known was “Sawaddeka” Haha! And the deal was not bad so we agreed.

The hotel we stayed located in the old city near Thapae Gate, the east gate. One of the top attractions in Chiang Mai is the Old City. The city was once a square-walled city surrounded by a moat. The remainings of the wall can still be seen today, with some of it was rebuilt for tourists attraction spot. 

The hotel was a budget hotel, or should I say hostel for backpackers. The owner speaks little English but it’s not that hard to communicate. BB House – not bad for a short stay with dorm rooms with shared bathroom. The building was pretty new, maybe newly renovated so it’s comfortable. The room with two bunk beds fit us four girls just nice for a 3 nights stay, even though we pretty cramped ourselves with our bags and of course, our shopping stuffs. It was a budget trip after all so we didn’t really mind.


What I love most about Thailand was its cheap fruit juices. It was just heaven to have pineapple or mango freshly blended with no sugar added for just 40 baht! Imagine how much would it cost in a hipster cafeteria, well because you pay more for Mango Tango since it is more healthy than sodas. Not only fruit juices, you pay for the same price for a large cup of cappuccino and mocha! And their coffee was the best! Don’t forget their matchas too, they’re just too good! 

We tried a lot of food in Chiang Mai. Of course our main objective was to try Thai’s most famous cuisine – Tom Yam. They added coconut milk in their tom yam to give it a creamy taste. You could taste the sweetness coming from the fresh prawns and mussels, the tangy tomato soup complimented with a nice kaffir lime leaves smell. 


Another well known Thai cuisine we tried was Pad Thai. It’s basically rice noodles fried with fish sauce, egg and shrimps added with chilli flakes and lime juice. The final plating was topped with bean sprouts to make it extra crunchy. This was a simple but filling dish.


I tried this delicious egg porridge during breakfast and it was so good I wish I could ask for more. The porridge itself was so rich in chicken flavor, perhaps cooked with chicken stock, and a half boiled egg was added to it just before serving. Fried rice vermicelli and spring onions were the sidekicks for this porridge. It’s just perfect for breakfast because you felt just like home!


These were the desserts. They were egg custards with caramel sauce topped with fried onion, egg custard with glutinous rice and coconut milk, tapioca cakes with coconut, and steamed banana with sugar. Another dish which was not captured was the Mango and Glutinous Rice, just remember to grab one when you’re here okay!

We had so many good food in ChiangMai. Hopefully we can come back for longer stay in this subtle small town.